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30 days of discipline

My Official date for my surgery is Tuesday November 19th 2013 Holy Moly!...

Over the last three weeks I have been trying to prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for this and the mental/emotional part hasn't been going to well.   Mentally, I keep going back and forth about having it or not because I am constantly reading new articles on if its necessary or not to have the preventative surgery.  

      Emotionally, I am a roller coaster  meaning I am super okay one minute and have accepted it, or the next minute I am calling my mother up crying saying, "I need to postpone the surgery." 

           I have come to the conclusion that there will never be a right time in my life  to have it, and the surgery date will always seem to come too quickly (just like right now)...

That is why I have chosen to do  30 days of discipline.... 

For this 30 days of discipline Physically I am doing a Blessed Herb Cleanse for my body.  I have always wanted to do a cleanse and I figured now would be the best time to clean my body out before I have such a serious impact on it.  The cleanse will clear out my Colon, Liver, Gallbladder, Kidneys, Bladder, Lungs, Blood, Skin,  Lymphatic System, and unwanted guests (parasites)!!  No~ sugar, caffeine, dairy, alcohol, white flour or meat. ( I pretty much don't ingest any of that stuff anyway) Eat raw and whole foods the entire time and do a 5 day juice fast in the middle of it.  

 One of my clients turned me onto this and said he always feels the best he has ever felt after he is finished with it.   Not only does it cleanse your body, but mentally and emotionally its supposed to cleanse you as well.  It increases your mental clarity, brightens your creativity, increases your joy ( really need), improve self of well being, stabilizes your  mood swings (really really need) and improve negative though patterns...  Sounds perfect for me.  Along with this cleanse I will be doing all of these below for the 30 days!  Wish me luck!  Oy Vey!

*30 day squat challenge

*Tabata once a day 8 rounds

*core power yoga

*no tv

*finishing all those books I have always wanted to

*meditating/praying for at least 20 minutes a day

*getting my feet in the sand daily (luckily I live a mile away)

*listening to only upbeat music

*drinking 8 glasses of pure h20

*watching either the sunrise or sunset

*blogging daily

*juicing at least once a day

*positive affirmations all day long

BTW...I am doing this because I want and need to feel the best before my surgery.  I am doing this because I want my body to know that I love it.  I am doing this because I have never done anything like it before, and I know how proud of myself I will be when I'm through.  The only thing that scares me about following through with this 30 days of discipline is that my surgery will be shortly after.  I ask that if you are reading this you will help to encourage me through all of it.

  I pray that I will be Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually ready for this surgery when the time comes.

Dancing for Breast Cancer Awareness

       This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  (Ironically the month before my surgery)  There are many events going on all over the US to promote Breast Cancer Awareness  so please join me and do so!
Yesterday,  my good friend Marisa who is one of the best Zumba Instructors in LA, organized  a Zumbathon Charity Event for Breast Cancer and it was such a success!  Marisa and 4 other amazing Zumba Instructors taught a 2 hour Zumba dance class with over 50 people!!   Everyone was dancing for breast cancer and having a blast while doing it!!   (as you can see in the bottom right photo above)  I danced my pants off as well, but took some time to soak in how amazing this event.  It brought tears to my eyes to see so many people coming together on their day off to support  Breast Cancer Awareness.   They raised 1,100$ that will go to Breast Cancer research!  Thank you to Marisa, Raul and the other Zumba Instructors for putting together this event!  Thank you for inviting me I had such a great time!

TodaY I RUN

 This morning  I am excited and honored to run in my first Kickin' Cancer Walk! 
I am running this race in honor of my beautiful amazing mother Julie Hanke who has survived BReast Cancer Twice!!   
You are my strength and my Rock Mother!!

I still haven't raised the amount I wanted which is $500  so please if you can any amount of donation will help!  I would really appreciate it!  Just go to my webpage 

http://kickincancer.com.kintera.org/2013/ stacylynnfitness 
and you can donate there!!  Thank you so much.
This race helps support the research to find a cure for Breast and Ovarian Cancer.  Today will be another very emotional event for me, but I am blessed to be able to attend in hopes of  raising awareness of the  BRCA1 gene.   There is another important event happening today which is the beginning of the National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer week.  The goal of this week is to spread awareness and educate everyone about hereditary cancer and recognize and honor the people that have been affected.  So please share this if you know any family, friends, or acquaintances who have had breast or ovarian cancer or has it now, and let them know that I am running in their honor today also!!!

I RISE and LEAD

       I haven't written in this for a while I know.  I freaked out.   Writing this blog turned  Deletion 185AG into reality.  Through the last seven years of knowing that I had Deletion 185AG it was just something floating around in my head.   I didn't need to think about the the fact that I had a way higher percentages of the "normal" human population of getting Breast and Ovarian Cancer  unless I was getting screened or someone brought it up to me.   These days I'm thinking about it all the time, and it's everywhere.    These days it's a weight on my shoulders and it's getting heavier and heavier.  Before, when I was in my early to mid 20's I didn't need to think about it.  The doctors told me, "By age 35 we suggest you get your breast and ovaries removed. Until then you just get screened."   Those days it was just a floating feather.  

       To be honest every time I think about the decision I have made or Deletion 185AG my nerves seem to vibrate, and pulsate through my body like they are antsy.   Its an uneasy feeling that makes me want to jump into the ocean and be cleansed of all of this!   Even as I write this right now the my arms/hands feel like they have restless arm syndrome.  Maybe that is why I haven't been able to sleep the last four nights!  I think I just figured it out. I have woken up on the hour almost every hour with my arms feeling like they have  so much energy running through them that I literally start to shake them out.   Restless writing syndrome. I needed to write in my blog!  I am sorry.

        I won't do it again.  I need to do this for me and I need to do this for you,  I need to do this for women and men in the future who choose to go through what I am going through.  I need to do this for awareness.   I need to do this to let everyone know that removing my breast is what I choose to do and it is what's best for ME.  I need to do this because when this first part of my journey through many surgeries is finito I won't have that weight on my shoulders anymore, and I will feel so relieved.

                                       The picture above is me.  If you couldn't tell (smiley face)                                                                         I RISE AND LEAD.  

I apologize in advance

      This week has been pretty hard I'm not going to lie.  I've found myself tearing up when I look at my bs randomly (sounds funny) and having to take deep breathes to overcome crying completely.  I know I should let the tears flow, but if I did then I'd pretty much be crying all the time.   This is why I am apologizing in advance...

       I apologize in advance because I don't know how I am going to react to anything at this point.  I am sorry if I am having a bad moment, and I take it out on any of you.  I am sorry if I don't laugh when something is supposed to be funny, and I am sorry if I snap.  I am trying my hardest, I promise, to take a deep breath and think before I react to anything right now in my life.  I apologize in advance for possibly not being in the moment with you.  I apologize in advance for maybe acting a little bi -polar at times.  I apologize in advance for thinking that what some people may get upset about is petty and minor compared to what I am about to go through.  I do not and never ever have intentionally tried to make anyone feel bad or hurt.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  

       I find my self being pissed off at the situation I am going through, and questioning why me?   All it is, is fat inside my breast that has potential in the future to give me a disease.   I should be happy that I have this option of getting it removed.  Its not like I'm getting an arm removed or a very important organ removed from my body.   

       But... I love my breast and just can't seem to fathom not having them around.  They have been attached to me for 30 years now.  They have been with me through thick and thin!!!   And like I said before I have nice BREASTS!  

      I have a pretty intense appointment  tomorrow morning.   It's my second double mastectomy surgery appointment.  I am meeting with Dr. Ramero the women who will removing the inside of my breasts.    We will be going over the procedure, recovery time etc....  I always kind of zone out during these appointments.  Not believing this is really what is happening.   Luckily my sister Rachael is always there to take notes and ask all the questions we prepare in advance.  I feel so bad because my family is the one that has to deal with me before and after these appointments and sometimes I can be so    short with them.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  I AM SORRY....

Words I live by

This phrase had been up on my Vision board for the last few weeks, and it really has pushed me to, DO MORE! .   " Doing more than you think you can,"  can mean an infinite amount of things. It can mean to workout longer and harder than you ever have before, it can mean to read those books that have been on my shelf forever instead of drone out watching tv, it means to talk to a homeless person on the street and take them to lunch, it means to smile, smile, smile:)in public even though you just got finished shedding some tears in the car alone,  to finish the the long list of things to do and make another one, to get up early and make yourself an amazing smoothie or juice for the day, to smell those flowers you walk by on the way to work everyday, to volunteer on your only day off, to practice being in the present......We are all amazing human beings with so much potential,  We can all aim for the stars and make it!   Our bodies and spirits are designed to be pushed to their limits!!  That is how we grow as individuals and as a whole. I . Have a little over three months until my surgery and I am planning on being in the best shape of my life by that time!  Yes I did just turn 30, and so "they" say that our bodies go down hill from there.  BUt you know what I say to that!!!...I am only getting more and more healthier by the second and in better shape than ever before!  People still think I am in my early 20's (thanks to my Japanese side)  But if you feed your cells yummy whole foods and the right vitamins/ supplements then the whole of you is going to stay young forever!

Please join me by DOING MORE than you ever thought you could and take care of your beautiful *mind* bodies and souls!!!

Bye Bye Breast MRI's and Mammograms!

        "Why are you scheduling a mammography of the breast you are way to young!?"  the nurse on the other end of the phone asked.
       UGH!.... for the hundredth time I had to explain to the nurse that, "I have the BRCA1 gene mutation, and  I need to be screened every 6 months for breast cancer or any lumps."  I felt bad for the person on the phone because I was so annoyed, but I felt worse for me.  I was the one having to get a mammogram at such a young age.  I was the one who had this gene mutation.
       At age 23, after I found out about having the BRCA1 gene mutation I started getting mammograms and pelvic ultrasounds every six months.  Talk about being violated!!!  ( I will talk about the pelvic ultrasounds in another blog, Yay!)  After my first mammogram I thought my perky, dense breasts were going stay flat like the cartoon on the right!! No joke!  Your breast get squished, pushed, shoved, and pulled in all directions.  Like the picture below you have to stay there with your breast squished to a flat plastic board that is below and above it while the nurse goes into another room and presses some buttons.  It hurts! No Bueno!  Thank the Lord my boobs never stayed flat!
      My sister Rachael is amazing with keeping up on all the latest research about the gene mutation, and the exams/screenings I have to have and she found out that mammograms aren't  the best way to detect breast cancer.  Mammograms can in some way cause it because of the radiation from the x ray machine.
       After we found this out, 2 years ago I got my first breast MRI.   Double UGH!  The upside to the MRI over the mammogram is that there was no squishing, and shoving of my breast!  The down side was that I  needed to have an IV put into my arm before I got placed inside a tunnel where I could not move at all.  The other downside, is that I  had to lay there for forty five minutes while some contrast/ink  was being injected into my arm, and the tunnel machine makes the loudest clicking/robots noises I ever heard.  The picture below and to the right explains it a bit.   NO bueno!
       I should have read up on what to expect during a Breast MRI before I had gone in to get one  because it was one of the most horrible exams I had ever had done.   I didn't know that I had to have an IV put in my arm along with some weird contrast being squirted into my veins.  That was the part that was so horrible.  Thankfully my sister Rachael has been able to sit in the room with me every time I have had a breast MRI.   Her presence in the room helped calm me even though we couldn't talk to each other.  Thank you sister!  
       My surgery is in a little over 3 months, and I do not believe, thus far, that I need to be breast screened anymore!!!!  At least the doctors haven't said I needed to be.  Thank God for that!  For the last 7 years I have had about 14 breast screenings and thankfully they have all been clear.  But waiting for the results every time isn't easy, it's nerve racking, and it puts your life on a little bit of a hold.  This is one of the many reasons why I am choosing to have this surgery.  I don't want my life to be put on hold anymore.  I am taking charge of it and I am choosing to lift a huge weight off my shoulders (and chest literally, he he)  once my breast are removed.
 Bye Bye Breast MRI's and Mammograms!!

I am so blessed!

Rachael, me, Corrin, my mother Julie, Joanna, and Dr. King being reunited at the Jewish Film Festival
I am very humbled and proud to be standing by five of the most influential women in my life  and the world!

My mother quilted an awareness blanket
to be auctioned off at the festival.

My mother and Dr. King

I am so blessed to have these five amazing women as family and  mentors in my life.
A few years ago the documentary, In the Family, that I mentioned in my last blog, was being debuted at the Jewish Film Festival in Seattle,Washington.  My family and I were able to be reunited with Joanna Rudnick (the creator and star of the documentary), and Dr. Mary Claire King (whom discovered the gene mutation/ was filmed with my family as we got our test results).    If it weren't for Dr. King, then the world would not know about the BRCA gene mutation,  and if it weren't for Joanna, my family and I would not have been a part of spreading the awareness of the BRCA gene mutation.
       This was the first time that I had viewed the documentary in it's entirety after it was released, and I cried the whole movie.  (It's available on Netflix to watch please do) I held my breath when the part of my family was being shown, and looked around the audience to see the reactions.  Tears where all around us, and to this day when someone mentions seeing the film they always say that the part of the Hanke girls getting their test results back was and is the, "most touching and heartbreaking."
       It's so weird to know that the "dooms day" moment in my life was filmed, and I can watch over and over at anytime ( yet I never do).  Even when I put it on the blog it started playing and I couldn't watch it.   It's very special in a way,  but I will never be able to watch it again.   When I viewed it for the first and only time I critiqued myself and the way I reacted.  I didn't want or plan to crying.  I thought that I needed to stay strong for my family, but my tears just poured out.  Now that I think back tears would have poured out no matter even if the results were negative for all of three of us.   I would have cried out of relief of having an answer.  We took the test a week or two prior to getting the results.  So, not knowing was super stressful on it's own.   Plus, at that point in my life when I was 23 I didn't care to know.  It wasn't a good feeling.  I was being forced to take a test that could change my life forever.  I didn't want it to be real.  Out of sight out of mind, right?
         I think when any human being is put through a period of waiting for any result, whether good or bad, and it finally happens, the emotional relief that you go through just comes out.  In our case, we thank God that not all three of us have the BRCA1 deletion though, it's very hard because Rachael being the oldest feels guilt for not  having it.  Which she absolutely should not, but I know that I would feel the exact same.   We are all in this together no matter what!  My family is one of the strongest families that I know, and we always persevere through our hard times...  Everything happens for a reason and NOW I am so thankful that I was able to be a part of the documentary and I have two of the most influential/inspirational women in the Science/Film world be a part of my life.   I am thankful that my sisters and I got the results together that's how God wanted it to be.

This was a very special time, and I want all of these beautiful women to know that I am very appreciative and thankful for them being a part of my life.

Us again with Dr. King, Joanna, Joanna's
husband, and my amazing father

Joanna Rudnick in the news for BRCA

Dr. Mary Claire King

Understanding the Gene Mutation that I have

Watch Video | Gene Mutation Animation (Clip 1 of 3): Classroom Clips | POV | PBS

I called it "Dooms Day!"

Watch Video | Hanke Family Test Results (Clip 3 of 3): Classroom Clips | POV | PBS  

The documentary my family and I were in

Rachael(oldest sister), Julie(my mom), Corrin (older sister), and me

"Girls... the reason your mother got breast cancer twice is because she has a breast and ovarian cancer gene mutation called BRCA1,"  my father said sadly.
"What, what the heck is that?!"  I didn't even know things like gene mutations really existed.   I was 23 (obviously naive) and my mother had already gotten her double mastectomy after her second occurrence of breast cancer. So we knew she was in the clear and we celebrated!!!   But once my mother and father realized that this gene mutation could be passed down to any of their 3 daughters their hearts sank.   
I had just very recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years whom I traveled the world with.   My parents were telling me that I should get tested for this gene mutation, and I didn't want to do it.  I was disoriented, my heart was broken,  I was so hurt from the break up... I was being self centered.  I didn't care to know at such a young age.  My mother hadn't gotten breast cancer until her 40's and the research at that time showed that I didn't have to start getting screened until another couple of years.  
Around this time my mother had contacted a lady, Joanna Rudnick, who happened to be filming a documentary called In the Family.  This insightful film is about Joanna's journey with having the gene mutation and others like her.  Joanna wanted our family in the film but we didn't know how.  The  video above shows the clip where my family is in the documentary.  My sisters and I had been tested for the gene mutation, but had not gotten our results.   The clip is of us getting our results for the first time.  This is the Hanke family IN THE RAW.
The lady we are sitting across from is the amazing Dr.  Mary Claire King who discovered the BRCA1 and BRCA2 breast and ovarian cancer gene mutations.   As you can see Corrin and I have the BRCA1 mutation...  that is why I called it DOOMS DAY! 
My life had changed forever on that day.  It's like it was yesterday.  The weird thing is I wasn't so shocked when she said that I had the gene mutation.  I wish that it was only me if any of us were going to have it.  I've always been okay with doctors visits and hospitals.  Corrin and Rach on the other hand...not so good.  sorry sisters...

  

I've always had a nice "RACK"...

yes those are real............

Throughout the years I have been asked many times if my boobs were "fake."   Or many people have just assumed that they were fake  because I am a 5 ft tall semi asian with a tiny frame and 32 dd's.   My nick name from my best guy friend in high school was Stacky Lynn.  Meaning I am stacked in the front... get it ..ha ha.   I don't know where these big balloons came from.  My two older sisters have decent size breasts, but not double d's like me.  My boobs were so big at one point when I was 24 that I was considering having a breast reduction.  I once weighed my breast with my boyfriend at the time on an at home scale and they weighed 5 pounds each!!!  That's a lot to carry in front of you!!  TOP HEAVY isn't a joke!

       Yes, I am bragging about my voluptuous breasts!!  I am very blessed to have what most women pay for, and what other women dream about having if they can't pay for them.    Yes, I am bragging about my beautiful breasts!!

(and they are beautiful....not mis shaped no banana style, weird color nipple thing going on)  I look good in every shirt that I wear because of them, and have gotten out of my fair share of driving tickets because of them as well J/K!  he he... 

       YES, I am bragging about my breasts because in November of this year 2013 I won't have them anymore.  I am getting a breast reduction, but not the type of reduction that I thought about before.  I am getting a double breast mastectomy.   Both of these balloons of glory are going to be chopped off completely.
       Deletion 185AG is a deletion of the amino acids Adenine and Guanine from my DNA at section 185.   It is a Breast and Ovarian Cancer gene mutation I have inherited from my Ashkenazi Jewish side of decent.  Deletion 185 is the reason I am getting a double mastectomy this year, and in 5 years getting my ovaries removed.  Deletion 185 is a blessing in disguise because now I don't have to go through what my beautiful mother did by surviving two different breast cancer scenarios.  I can prevent it and I am.