Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I apologize in advance

      This week has been pretty hard I'm not going to lie.  I've found myself tearing up when I look at my bs randomly (sounds funny) and having to take deep breathes to overcome crying completely.  I know I should let the tears flow, but if I did then I'd pretty much be crying all the time.   This is why I am apologizing in advance...
       I apologize in advance because I don't know how I am going to react to anything at this point.  I am sorry if I am having a bad moment, and I take it out on any of you.  I am sorry if I don't laugh when something is supposed to be funny, and I am sorry if I snap.  I am trying my hardest, I promise, to take a deep breath and think before I react to anything right now in my life.  I apologize in advance for possibly not being in the moment with you.  I apologize in advance for maybe acting a little bi -polar at times.  I apologize in advance for thinking that what some people may get upset about is petty and minor compared to what I am about to go through.  I do not and never ever have intentionally tried to make anyone feel bad or hurt.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  
       I find my self being pissed off at the situation I am going through, and questioning why me?   All it is, is fat inside my breast that has potential in the future to give me a disease.   I should be happy that I have this option of getting it removed.  Its not like I'm getting an arm removed or a very important organ removed from my body.   
       But... I love my breast and just can't seem to fathom not having them around.  They have been attached to me for 30 years now.  They have been with me through thick and thin!!!   And like I said before I have nice BREASTS!  
      I have a pretty intense appointment  tomorrow morning.   It's my second double mastectomy surgery appointment.  I am meeting with Dr. Ramero the women who will removing the inside of my breasts.    We will be going over the procedure, recovery time etc....  I always kind of zone out during these appointments.  Not believing this is really what is happening.   Luckily my sister Rachael is always there to take notes and ask all the questions we prepare in advance.  I feel so bad because my family is the one that has to deal with me before and after these appointments and sometimes I can be so    short with them.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  I AM SORRY....

2 comments:

  1. WOW!!!! I know this is so cliche' please let me know if there's anything i can do for you!! That's intense!! Through this all- you will be inherited a beautiful gift you will have to offer the rest of the world. You are healthy, and very strong and have been since high school! You will be able to overcome this, i know it!!
    I broke my back at age 12, and doctors told me i would never ever again do a ton of things i not only love doing, but i LOVED doing these things... Oh, take running for example- Your situation trumps mine obviously, and blows my minor issues out of the water.. I can tell you from my own personal experience that, yes- your life will, and is changing. Some things will leave you sleepless, with tears flooding down your face all night- trust me on that. On the same token- believe it, or not there will be huge positive things to come from this. For example: I can walk on my hands now, lol. Have faith, and hang in there! If you need anything, i'm here! Peace, Love, Josh Smith

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  2. Stacy I am so sorry to hear this. That is a hard situation to deal with. Luckily you caught it before it was a fight for your life, many others in your life are thankful for that as well. I'm sorry you have to say goodbye to your really nice breasts but the smile trumps everything. In high school I went through that bad car accident and became even stronger. It was very very hard to deal with but like you I am a fighter and I beat the odds. The lows in our lives make the highs that much sweeter. You are a beacon of strength and perseverance. Stay strong and know you have tons of support.

    Ryan Wagnild

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