TodaY I RUN

 This morning  I am excited and honored to run in my first Kickin' Cancer Walk! 
I am running this race in honor of my beautiful amazing mother Julie Hanke who has survived BReast Cancer Twice!!   
You are my strength and my Rock Mother!!

I still haven't raised the amount I wanted which is $500  so please if you can any amount of donation will help!  I would really appreciate it!  Just go to my webpage 

http://kickincancer.com.kintera.org/2013/ stacylynnfitness 
and you can donate there!!  Thank you so much.
This race helps support the research to find a cure for Breast and Ovarian Cancer.  Today will be another very emotional event for me, but I am blessed to be able to attend in hopes of  raising awareness of the  BRCA1 gene.   There is another important event happening today which is the beginning of the National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer week.  The goal of this week is to spread awareness and educate everyone about hereditary cancer and recognize and honor the people that have been affected.  So please share this if you know any family, friends, or acquaintances who have had breast or ovarian cancer or has it now, and let them know that I am running in their honor today also!!!

I RISE and LEAD

       I haven't written in this for a while I know.  I freaked out.   Writing this blog turned  Deletion 185AG into reality.  Through the last seven years of knowing that I had Deletion 185AG it was just something floating around in my head.   I didn't need to think about the the fact that I had a way higher percentages of the "normal" human population of getting Breast and Ovarian Cancer  unless I was getting screened or someone brought it up to me.   These days I'm thinking about it all the time, and it's everywhere.    These days it's a weight on my shoulders and it's getting heavier and heavier.  Before, when I was in my early to mid 20's I didn't need to think about it.  The doctors told me, "By age 35 we suggest you get your breast and ovaries removed. Until then you just get screened."   Those days it was just a floating feather.  

       To be honest every time I think about the decision I have made or Deletion 185AG my nerves seem to vibrate, and pulsate through my body like they are antsy.   Its an uneasy feeling that makes me want to jump into the ocean and be cleansed of all of this!   Even as I write this right now the my arms/hands feel like they have restless arm syndrome.  Maybe that is why I haven't been able to sleep the last four nights!  I think I just figured it out. I have woken up on the hour almost every hour with my arms feeling like they have  so much energy running through them that I literally start to shake them out.   Restless writing syndrome. I needed to write in my blog!  I am sorry.

        I won't do it again.  I need to do this for me and I need to do this for you,  I need to do this for women and men in the future who choose to go through what I am going through.  I need to do this for awareness.   I need to do this to let everyone know that removing my breast is what I choose to do and it is what's best for ME.  I need to do this because when this first part of my journey through many surgeries is finito I won't have that weight on my shoulders anymore, and I will feel so relieved.

                                       The picture above is me.  If you couldn't tell (smiley face)                                                                         I RISE AND LEAD.  

I apologize in advance

      This week has been pretty hard I'm not going to lie.  I've found myself tearing up when I look at my bs randomly (sounds funny) and having to take deep breathes to overcome crying completely.  I know I should let the tears flow, but if I did then I'd pretty much be crying all the time.   This is why I am apologizing in advance...

       I apologize in advance because I don't know how I am going to react to anything at this point.  I am sorry if I am having a bad moment, and I take it out on any of you.  I am sorry if I don't laugh when something is supposed to be funny, and I am sorry if I snap.  I am trying my hardest, I promise, to take a deep breath and think before I react to anything right now in my life.  I apologize in advance for possibly not being in the moment with you.  I apologize in advance for maybe acting a little bi -polar at times.  I apologize in advance for thinking that what some people may get upset about is petty and minor compared to what I am about to go through.  I do not and never ever have intentionally tried to make anyone feel bad or hurt.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  

       I find my self being pissed off at the situation I am going through, and questioning why me?   All it is, is fat inside my breast that has potential in the future to give me a disease.   I should be happy that I have this option of getting it removed.  Its not like I'm getting an arm removed or a very important organ removed from my body.   

       But... I love my breast and just can't seem to fathom not having them around.  They have been attached to me for 30 years now.  They have been with me through thick and thin!!!   And like I said before I have nice BREASTS!  

      I have a pretty intense appointment  tomorrow morning.   It's my second double mastectomy surgery appointment.  I am meeting with Dr. Ramero the women who will removing the inside of my breasts.    We will be going over the procedure, recovery time etc....  I always kind of zone out during these appointments.  Not believing this is really what is happening.   Luckily my sister Rachael is always there to take notes and ask all the questions we prepare in advance.  I feel so bad because my family is the one that has to deal with me before and after these appointments and sometimes I can be so    short with them.  That is why I am apologizing in advance.  I AM SORRY....