Sunday, September 15, 2013

I RISE and LEAD


       I haven't written in this for a while I know.  I freaked out.   Writing this blog turned  Deletion 185AG into reality.  Through the last seven years of knowing that I had Deletion 185AG it was just something floating around in my head.   I didn't need to think about the the fact that I had a way higher percentages of the "normal" human population of getting Breast and Ovarian Cancer  unless I was getting screened or someone brought it up to me.   These days I'm thinking about it all the time, and it's everywhere.    These days it's a weight on my shoulders and it's getting heavier and heavier.  Before, when I was in my early to mid 20's I didn't need to think about it.  The doctors told me, "By age 35 we suggest you get your breast and ovaries removed. Until then you just get screened."   Those days it was just a floating feather.  
       To be honest every time I think about the decision I have made or Deletion 185AG my nerves seem to vibrate, and pulsate through my body like they are antsy.   Its an uneasy feeling that makes me want to jump into the ocean and be cleansed of all of this!   Even as I write this right now the my arms/hands feel like they have restless arm syndrome.  Maybe that is why I haven't been able to sleep the last four nights!  I think I just figured it out. I have woken up on the hour almost every hour with my arms feeling like they have  so much energy running through them that I literally start to shake them out.   Restless writing syndrome. I needed to write in my blog!  I am sorry.
        I won't do it again.  I need to do this for me and I need to do this for you,  I need to do this for women and men in the future who choose to go through what I am going through.  I need to do this for awareness.   I need to do this to let everyone know that removing my breast is what I choose to do and it is what's best for ME.  I need to do this because when this first part of my journey through many surgeries is finito I won't have that weight on my shoulders anymore, and I will feel so relieved.
                                       The picture above is me.  If you couldn't tell (smiley face)                                                                         I RISE AND LEAD.  





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